“California is a small woman saying, 'Fuck me.' New York is a large man saying, 'Fuck you!”

“Reminds me of something my grandfather would say. He'd say, "I'm goin' upstairs to fuck your grandmother." He was an honest man, and he wasn't going to bullshit a four-year-old.”

“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”

“Pride should be reserved for something you achieve or obtain on your own, not something that happens by accident of birth. Being Irish isn't a skill... it's a fucking genetic accident. You wouldn't say I'm proud to be 5'11"; I'm proud to have a pre-disposition for colon cancer.”

“Fuck rational thought”

“If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.”

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”