“I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.”

“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck”

“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”

“You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.”

“I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.”

“You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos”