“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.”

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where’s the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

“A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done.”

“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”

“Whatever happened to “In victory, magnanimity; in defeat, defiance.” So said Frederick the Great.”

“She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.”