“I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.”

“I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.”

“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”

“You show me a lazy prick who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to piss, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble.”

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.”

“I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker.”

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”