“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.”

“Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.”

“I am a personal optimist but a skeptic about all else. What may sound to some like anger is really nothing more than sympathetic contempt. I view my species with a combination of wonder and pity, and I root for its destruction. And please don't confuse my point of view with cynicism; the real cynics are the ones who tell you everything's gonna be all right.”

“People are wonderful. I love individuals. I hate groups of people. I hate a group of people with a 'common purpose'. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. And fight songs. And a list of people they're going to visit at 3am. So, I dislike and despise groups of people but I love individuals. Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking.”

“If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?”

“If you can't say something nice about a person, go ahead”

“There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”