“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck”

“What the fuck? My little girl is pregnant and no one fucking told me?”

“Women are females and men are males. According to gynaecologists, women menstruate every month or so, while men, being male, do not menstruate or suffer during the monthly period. A women, being female, is naturally subject to monthly bleeding. When a women does not menstruate, she is pregnant. If she is pregnant, she becomes, due to pregnancy, less active for about a year.”

“I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.”

“I don't smoke, don't drink, don't fuck. At least i can fucking think.”

“Jake put his phone away and clasped her hand. “I think we should lobby for a bill to make it illegal for pregnant and non-pregnant women to be in the same doctor’s office,” he said.”