“Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?”

“I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.”

“Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”

“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?”

“How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.”

“Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even go too far in the opposite direction. My sign would say something like, "Smoke if you wish. But if you do, be prepared for the following series of events: First, we will confiscate your cigarette and extinguish it somewhere on the surface of your skin. We will then run you nicotine-stained fingers through a paper shredder and throw them into the street, where wild dogs will swallow them and then regurgitate them into the sewers, so that infected rats can further soil them before they're flushed out to sea with the rest of the city's filth. After such time, we will sysematically seek out your friends and loved one and destroy their lives."Wouldn't you like to see a sign like that?”

“If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ”