“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.”

“Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. ”

“Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”

“I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at about the same 50% rate.”

“I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.”

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.”