“The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.”

“If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff? ”

“Did you ever eat a whole box of cookies right in a row? Did you ever do that? I don't mean take them into your bedroom or something. I mean open them right up in the kitchen as soon as you get home from the store and eat 'em while you're standing there? Just stare at the toaster while you're eatin' a whole goddamn box of cookies?”

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

“My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!”

“Would a fly without wings be called a walk?”

“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.”