“There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.”

“They don't want an educated populace capable of critical thought, sitting around the kitchen table realizing how badly they're getting fucked!”

“It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.”

“People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.”

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

“In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.”

“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”