“Tits always look better in a pink sweater.”

“I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.”

“The older you get, the better you realize you were.”

“Always do whatever's next.”

“A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.”

“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital M tattooed on each cheek of your ass in pink and brown ink. Then when you bend over, it says "Mom." Also, later on if you're havin' sex with your girlfriend, and her parents are in the next room, when you finish up you can just lie on your back, draw your legs up to your chest and silently say, 'Wow!”

“I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.”