“It seems that there is nothing more frustrating than good humor and fair play for the embittered ideologue who is willing to distort the truth in the name of his mission to serve mankind.”

“To pursue happiness for its own sake is the surest way to lose it.”

“Whom the gods would destroy, they first subsidize.”

“Nothing of importance happened today.”

“Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that humor excites in those who lack it.”

“Remember, then, that whoever does not mean good is always in danger of harm. But I try to give everybody fair play, and those that are in the wrong are in far more need of it always than those who are in the right: they can afford to do without it.”

“Operating in the black market is like trying to get laid in a city you don't know. In a strange city, if you have enough money, you're bound to find something, but there might be a disease contracted, you might get rolled or arrested, and there's no telling how much it will cost. With you wife, its predictable and in a steady quantity.”