“You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.”

“Remember: If you go for a walk with a friend in England, don't say a single word for hours; if you go for a walk with your dog, talk to it all the time.”

“5. Television is of great educational value. It teaches you while still really young how to (a) kill, (b) rob, (c) embezzle, (d) shoot, (e) poison, and generally speaking, (f) how to grow up into a Wild West outlaw or gangster by the time you leave school.6. Television puts a stop to crime because all the burglars and robbers, instead of going to burgle and rob, sit at home watching The Lone Ranger, Emergency Ward Ten and Dotto.”

“An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.”

“Many Continentals tink life is a game; the English think cricet is a game.”

“Debt is such a powerful tool, it is such a useful tool, it's much better than colonialism ever was because you can keep control without having an army, without having a whole administration.”

“A lot of people like to do certain things, but they're notthat good at it. Keep going through the things that you liketo do, until you find something that you actually seem to beextremely good at. It can be anything.”