“I have tipped waiters, and I have been tipped by waiters.”
“This phrase did not have the ring of verisimilitude because I am famously bad at math. If I'm in charge of tipping at a restaurant, the waiter will either fall to his knees in gratitude or slash my tires. There ain't no Mr. In Between.”
“We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.”
“On the subject of how to make friends, I would give you some tips, but I just don’t have any. Oh, I have plenty of tips, but I don’t have any friends.”
“Could I have a Sloe Gin Fizz, without the gin?""What's the point of that, Miss?" the waiter said."Tomorrow morning," Mabel said.”
“Do you have a red velvet cake?" "Of course," the waiter said, as if this was a ridiculous question. How dare I assume that they didn't have red velvet cake. The nerve.”