“Shagga son of Dolf likes this not. Shagga will go with the boyman, and if the boyman lies, Shagga will chop off his manhood-""-and feed it to the goats, yes," Tyrion said wearily.”

“Little redcape," he snarled, "when next you bare steel on Shagga son of Dolf, I will chop off your manhood and roast it in the fire.""What, no goats?" Tyrion said, taking a bite of his cheese.”

“Tyrion: Careful now, Shagga, you've cut him.Shagga: Dolf fathered warriors, not barbers.”

“...How would you like to die, Tyrion son of Tywin?""In my own bed, with a belly full of wine and a maiden's mouth around my cock, at the age of eighty," he replied.”

“The city?" Tyrion was lost. "What city would that be?""King's Landing. I am sending you to court." It was the last thing Tyrion Lannister would ever have anticipated. He reached for his wine, considered for a moment as he sipped. "And what am I to do there?""Rule," his father said curtly.”

“She has the blood of a wolf," said Joffrey. "And you have the wits of a goose," said Tyrion.”

“You smile like Gerion and fight like Tyg, and theree;s some Kevan is you, else you would not wear that cloak... but Tyrion is Tywin's son, not you. I said so once to your father's face, and he would not speak to me for half a year. Men are such thundering great fools. Even the sort who come along once in a thousand years.”