“They’re both bungholes who think they’re too noble to shit,”

“What I don’t got is bitches who play mind games because they’re pissed off about somethin’ in their lives. Or they’re pissed off that they’re small, not good enough and know it and instead of doin’ better, workin’ harder, they gotta tear down someone who doesn’t carry their load of shit. Jealousy is an ugly emotion that makes people do some seriously whacked shit and when a woman is experiencing it, it’s worse.”

“Women are programmed to think they’re the only screw-up in the universe and men are programmed to think they’re the smartest creatures in the universe.”

“Kill all the prisoners, because they’re costing us too much money. Wait! No, kill all the politicians, because they’re spending too much money.”

“People who can’t hack it as Irwins because they’re too violent go into the air travel industry.”

“Two one-armed people might seem perfect for each other, but what if they’re both missing the same arm? Then even something simple like holding hands while walking becomes a case of they’re too similar to see themselves really going anywhere as a couple.
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