“I am not okay. I will be okay, but right now I am not okay. I want my husband to put his arms around me, to console me, to baby me a little bit. Just for a second.”

“You okay now ?" he asked."Okay."He tightened his arms and lifted me off my feet. "Mercy?" he growled into my ear. I wrapped my legs around his waist. " Yeah" , I said. "Me too.”

“I love you present tense,” I whispered, and then put my hand on the middle of his chest and said, “It’s okay, Gus. It’s okay. It is. It’s okay, you hear me?” I had—and have—absolutely no confidence that he could hear me. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Okay,” I said. “Okay.”

“You okay, baby? Cold""I'm fine." I glance quickly behind us and see the two security guys, whose names I forget, standing close by.Moving me in front of him, Christian puts both his arms around me in my shoulder.”

“Don't tell me it's going to fucking be okay! I am not okay with being that fucker's pinata!”

“Everything was okay today, but I am not feeling okay. I think that when the things you like go away, you die a little bit inside, and I think that it takes a long time for you to feel okay again.”