“If you own a bar on your own, you're a player; if you own it with your beloved twin sister, you're–""Irish.”

“He needed no foreplay for the interview, and I was grateful. It's like sweet-talking your date when you both know you're about to get laid.”

“Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them.”

“One should never marry a man who doesn't own a decent set of scissors.”

“There is an unfair responsibility that comes with being an only child - you grow up knowing you aren't allowed to disappoint, you're not even allowed to die.”

“People say children from broken homes have it hard, but the children of charmed marriages have their own particular challenges.”

“My mother had always told her kids: if you're about to do something, and you want to know if it's a bad idea, imagine seeing it printed in the paper for all the world to see.”