“To be kissed on the lips by your husband is the most decadent thing.”

“Nick and I, we sometimes laugh, laugh out loud, at the horrible things women make their husbands do to prove their love. The pointless tasks, the myriad sacrifices, the endless small surrenders. We call these men the dancing monkeys.”

“Most beautiful, good things were done by women people scorn.”

“You know how, in court, they talk about the CSI effect? Like, everyone on the jury has watched so much CSI that they believe science can prove anything?""Yeah.""Well, I think there's an Evil Husband effect. Everyone has seen too many true-crime shows where the husband is always, always the killer, so people automatically assume the husband's the bad guy.”

“You don’t ever want to be the wife who keeps her husband from playing poker.”

“I am a great husband because I am very afraid she may kill me.”

“People want to believe they know other people. Parents want to believe they know their kids. Wives want to believe they know their husbands.”