“There comes a time in every young girl's life when she is instructed by a complete stranger to scale a tall ladder for dinner atop a roof, and in almost every case the best thing to do is refuse and run home to call the asylum from which the stranger escaped.”

“They had completely failed to notice Norwood and Heloise storming out of the house, Uncle Mort scaling the ladder, and the fact he was now staring at them and had been for several minutes."Good grief," he said. "As if I didn't have enough to worry about."Lex and Driggs jumped apart and wiped spittle from their mouths. "What's up?" Driggs said in a terrible attempt at nonchalance."Hormone levels obviously.”

“She wished, as almost all kids wish at one point or another, that she could turn into a pterodactyl and fly away and never come back.”

“Seriously?" she said with a glance of skepticism. Driggs and this nerdlinger? "You guys are best friends?"Ferbus looked up briefly to give her a smug look. "We prefer the term heterosexual life mates.”

“Why, you want me to hook you two up?"Cordy eyed her, then let out a grunt. "Could you? Michael Thorley turned out to be an assclown, and the rest of this place is nothing but a barren wasteland of undateability. The only guy who's shown the slightest amount of interest in me this summer is Mr. Papadopoulos on the third floor of the nursing home. He says I have the ass of a Russian call girl.""Ah, senility.”

“Next thing Driggs knew, Lex was rummaging around in the closet. 'Are you looking for your sanity?' he called after her. 'Because I do believe it showed itself out a while ago.”

“So here's the deal: You will sleep in separate bedrooms. You will leave your doors open at all times. You will keep the public displays of affection to a minimum. You will attempt to dismantle any of my surveillance equipment, which, I remind you, covers nearly every room of this house. And if I hear any article of clothing being unzipped, unstrapped, unhooked, or unbuckled, you will lose the body part that it corresponds to. Understand?"Lex and Driggs looked at each other, then nodded, defeated.”