“Never date a man who can’t out-drink you in tequila.”

“Maybe she was drunk - the woman never could drink. One little sniff of tequila and she was off into some blonde la-la land.”

“Champagne was discovered by a Catholic monk," said Bernard. "Took one swallow and burst out of his cellar yelling, 'I'm drinking stars, I'm drinking stars!' Tequila was invented by a bunch of brooding Indians. Into human sacrifice and pyramids. Somewhere between champagne and tequila is the secret history of Mexico, just as somewhere between beef jerky and Hostess Twinkies is the secret history of America. Or aren't you in the mood for epigrams?”

“Are you here to freak me out in any other way?""Nope.""This would include asking me for a date," I warned."Babe, don't date," he replied."You don't?""Do tequila shots followed by 5 hours of sex count as a date? he asked."Um... no," I answered."Then I don't date."I smiled at him.Then, stupidly, I asked. "You can have sex for 5 hours?"He smiled at me.Yikes.Moving on.”

“I can’t date a man who has survived for centuries by biting women and sucking their blood.” — Heather“I bet he gives one hell of a hickey.” — Fidelia”

“There is one woman I’ve dated I just can’t seem to forget, no matter how much I drink or how many concussions I give myself.”