“Psychos and megalomaniacs are my forte, remember? They all wanna hang with me”

“Boxers or briefs- FINALLY! ‘THE’ QUESTION! FINALLY! I’ve been waiting since my first interview for someone to ask me this! And, my answer is: Thong or Commando”

“You know, things you did and do to make sure you and Mom have such a great marriage?” “Oh! I gave that advice to Jeff already. Applies to him more than you.” “Share with my anyway.” Dad shrugged. “I told him that he just needed to remember three things. First, he doesn’t run your life, and after today, he won’t run his life, either. Second, in any argument, there is your wife’s side and then there is enemy camp; never choose enemy camp in an attempt to be reasonable, because it never works. And, third, to remember that a happy wife is a happy life.”

“Yeah, I know. It's one of my plans. It'll go all Dog Day Afternoon somewhere along the line. But a girl can dream, can't she?”

“Restraint is not exactly my watchword, either.”

“My crazy's working a lot better than your sanity.”

“I dug through my purse for the Glock. There is was, and I realized I'd never set the safety. I decided to consider this a great example of forethought rather than my being the stupidest gun handler on the planet.”