“Welcome to My Super Secret Life, where people try to kill us on a regular basis, and we thwart bad-guy schemes for breakfast. We’re almost like a reality show, only without the alcohol and hot tubs.”

“Boys, the longer you wait to get my requested prehistoric attack dogs, the more chance we have of people we care about getting hurt, more hurt, or killed. Oh, and don't hurt the alligators--they're a protected species.”

“It's a snake, then.''Rattler?''Most likely.'I was taking this extremely well. 'We have to kill it. By we, of course, I mean you. I'll stand here and scream.”

“I hope that's working like we wanted it to.""It's a plan of yours, Kitty. I'm sure it's going to go haywire somewhere.”

“You know, things you did and do to make sure you and Mom have such a great marriage?” “Oh! I gave that advice to Jeff already. Applies to him more than you.” “Share with my anyway.” Dad shrugged. “I told him that he just needed to remember three things. First, he doesn’t run your life, and after today, he won’t run his life, either. Second, in any argument, there is your wife’s side and then there is enemy camp; never choose enemy camp in an attempt to be reasonable, because it never works. And, third, to remember that a happy wife is a happy life.”

“Boxers or briefs- FINALLY! ‘THE’ QUESTION! FINALLY! I’ve been waiting since my first interview for someone to ask me this! And, my answer is: Thong or Commando”

“ And like a good neighbor, Alpha Centauri is there.”Touched by an Alien”