“I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.”

“Dear Sir: Regarding your article 'What's Wrong with the World?' I am. Yours truly,”

“As regards moral courage, then, it is not so much that the public schools support it feebly, as that they suppress it firmly.”

“You say grace before meals. All right. But I say grace before the concert and the opera, and grace before the play and pantomime, and grace before I open a book, and grace before sketching, painting, swimming, fencing, boxing, walking, playing, dancing and grace before I dip the pen in the ink.”

“The essence of all pantheism, evolutionism, and modern cosmic religion is really this proposition: that nature is our mother. Unfortunately, if you regard Nature as a mother, you discover she is a step-mother.”

“The Frenchman works until he can play. The American works until he can’t play; and then thanks the devil, his master, that he is donkey enough to die in harness. But the Englishman, as he has since become, works until he can pretend that he never worked at all.”

“The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before.”