“If I was an author I'd be worried, as I'm a story teller I'll just get drunk and make it up as i go along.”

“I'm not saying it's cold but that brass monkey over there is looking really worried.”

“I think I'm going to go. I'll see you this weekend. And just so you know, holding grudges gives you premature wrinkles.""Yeah, well, in this case, not holding them would make you a wrinkle-less fool.”

“I can't promise you that I'll never be am asshole again. But I can promise you that I don't mean it. And I can't promise you that I won't ever make mistakes, but I can promise you that I'll learn from them and do whatever it takes to make it right with you again.”

“Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.”

“By the way, I'm not just one man with a chalkboard. I'm one man with four chalkboards.”

“I don't have a 'side'—I'm responsible for what I say and nothing else.”