“Getting married doesn’t mean you’re done – it just means you’ve advanced to graduate-level studies. That’s because everytime you think you’ve mastered the material, he’ll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to nurture each other in the process. (on 8 things no one tells you about marriage)”

“Why are you trying to be something you’re not?”I shrugged, “People change, get used to it Alex. It’s not like you know me anyway.”He nodded, “You’ve got that right. I just hope you haven’t lost yourself in the process … it would be a real shame if you couldn’t find your way back.”I frowned at him, “And what the hell is that supposed to mean Alex?”He studied my eyes intently, “I just don’t want you to forget who you truly are … because I liked that girl.”

“They’re never going to change. You gotta get that into your head. What they did up there? They’ll keep doing that forever. You know why? Because they’re withholders. That’s what power is all about. Not giving people what they want. So you know what that means? It means you’ve got to stop wanting. Stop wanting them to love you, or be proud of you, or whatever it is you’re after. ’Cause you’re not gonna get it.”

“The inflections of community are important because they get at the very meanings of marriage. Marriage is a gift God gives the church. He does not simply give it to the married people of the church, but to the whole church, just as marriage is designed not only for the benefit of the married couple. It is designed to tell a story to the entire church, a story about God’s own love and fidelity to us”

“Your future is in God's hands, but He does not promise you marriage. Finding a spouse is a free will process, in which two people decide to sacrifice themselves for each other's benefit. Marriage is not some predetermined process that happens mysteriously. You will become very frustrated if you think that God mystically pairs people up. He does not unite people by overriding their minds and wills. God brings people together and encourages them to love one another but lets them decide their relational future.”

“I nod, thinking of how difficult marriage can be, how much effort is required to sustain a feeling between two people - a feeling that you can't imagine will ever fade in the beginning when everything comes so easily. I think of how each person in a marriage owes it to the other to find individual happiness, even in a shared life. That is the only real way to grow together, instead of apart.”