“Ask me. I'm a cow expert.”

“I'm a coffee expert. I'm not a medical expert, but I play one on TV. - on Oprah Winfrey interview”

“I'm Canadian, so I'm an expert at mundane fatalism.”

“There are no sacred cows -- just ask Ronald McDonald.”

“When you get beef from the butcher, you don’t feel bad for the cow that has been killed. But if someone asked you to wield a knife and kill the cow yourself, you wouldn’t be able to do it.”“Are you saying that you are a cow?”“Exactly.”“What?”“You found me alive and couldn’t bring yourself to kill me. It would have been alright if the storm had finished me off. I am like that cow and the storm is the butcher. Do you see now?”“Yes, I see. You absolutely insist that you are a cow. I am not arguing.”

“She moved to pinch me again but I blocked her hand. I'm no expert on girls, but when one tries to pinch you four times, I'm pretty sure that's flirting.”