“The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.”

“Just before I look under my bed, I always get a little cold feeling, as if part of me expects to find something staring back at me.I've probably seen too many Hollywood movies to have any hopes of ever cultivating a healthy relationship with the underside of my bed.”

“Instead of heading for a big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.”

“I'm very polite by nature, even the voices in my head let each other finish their sentences.”

“Mathematicians finally developed a financial model to accurately compare apples and oranges. Any two kinds of fruit can be compared, although guavas still cause minor rounding errors.”

“My Zombie apocalypse plan is simple but effective; I fully intend to die in the very first wave.Seems more logical than undergoing all kinds of hardships only to die eventually anyway (through bites/malnutrition/or terminally chapped lips)”

“I'm looking into my past lives. I'm convinced some of them still owe me money.”