“After suffering a torn disc six months ago, then a car crash just when it was starting to heal, and then an attack of Bell's Palsy for variety, I realised something. When my life decides to go down the crapper, it doesn't forget to flush!”

“I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor!”

“People say that writers write for money. From my own experience that's not true. I write for me. I publish for money.”

“And there shall come a kingdom in which the lion shall lie down with the lamb. Unfortunately for the lamb it shall be inside the lion!”

“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!”

“The Philosopher's Motto: I came, I saw, I pondered!”

“I have recently been called antisocial, and I'd like to set the record straight. I am not antisocial, I like social. It's people I don't like!”