“I think I know where my life went wrong. For all the world's a stage and I'm a lousy actor!”

“After suffering a torn disc six months ago, then a car crash just when it was starting to heal, and then an attack of Bell's Palsy for variety, I realised something. When my life decides to go down the crapper, it doesn't forget to flush!”

“People say that writers write for money. From my own experience that's not true. I write for me. I publish for money.”

“The Philosopher's Motto: I came, I saw, I pondered!”

“I have recently been called antisocial, and I'd like to set the record straight. I am not antisocial, I like social. It's people I don't like!”

“They say that maths is a language. So how do I order a pizza with extra cheese in maths?”

“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!”