“And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”

“Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?""Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!”

“Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.”

“I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.”

“You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”