“Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.”

“Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?Woman: Really?Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”

“The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.”

“I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home."Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:”

“Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?"Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.”