“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.”

“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.”

“The only real laughter comes from despair.”