“I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.”

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?""Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!”

“And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.”