“It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.”

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.”

“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”