“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?Woman: Really?Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.”

“Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?""Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!”

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”