“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”

“You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“I'll teach you to kick me...'You don't need to teach me--I already know how!”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight...”

“I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.”