“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.”

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.”

“I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home."Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:”