“Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?"Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.”

“Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?Woman: Really?Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.”

“Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.”

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”

“The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home."Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup:”