“She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.”