“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.”

“I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.”

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”

“You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.”

“The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.”

“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”