“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”

“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.”

“I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.”

“Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.”

“Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar"Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change."Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”