“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'!”

“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.”

“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”