“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”

“Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while”

“Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.”

“Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?""Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”