“Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?""Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!”

“Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.”

“Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.”

“Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?Woman: Really?Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.”

“Do you mind if I don't smoke?”

“I'll teach you to kick me...'You don't need to teach me--I already know how!”

“I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.”