“Crabs, crabs, crabs. Crabs the size of beach donkeys.”

“Big sisters are the crab grass in the lawn of life.”

“Fucking pyromanic, Crazier'n a male crab, that one.”

“Once they were men. Now they are land crabs.”

“And in the fountain squatted a giant crab. I’m not talking ‘giant’ like $7.99 all-you-can-eat Alaskan king crab. I’m talking ‘giant’ like bigger than the fountain.”

“I didn't like crab. Not at all. My stepmother had tricked my into eating a crab sandwich once in a cafe in Cromer, told me it was tuna. I'd never forgiven her.”

“The female crab has an impenetrable shell, she is so hard on the outside and yet so soft within. There is no possible point of access. The male crab must wait a whole year until the female decides to shed her shell to grow a new one. And it is only at that moment of vulnerability that the patient crab can triumph in his love.”