“Getting fired is nature's way to telling you that you had the wrong job in the first place”

“Boredom is your mind and body’s way of telling you you’re not living up to your potential.”

“That's the problem with belief: If you rely on it too heavily, you have a lot of picking up to do after you find out you were wrong.”

“Don't waste time, waste money. Because you can always get more money.”

“I stuff another handful of Raisinets in my mouth. What gets me is the 'pretty face' bit. 'Cause I won't mind being reminded I'm fat as long as you water it down first. Why not say, Hey I'm going to insult you, but first I will congratulate your fortunate genetics and appropriate appliclation of Bobbi Brown cosmetics to prevent you from hitting me. Sh*t; I kind of prefer being called a 'fat bitch.' At least it doesn't pull any punches.”

“When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes.Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad?"I'm not taking them off."Why not?"I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth.”

“Will you boys please escort the prisoners to our aircar on the roof? When we reach 5000 feet on the way home, let them escape...”