“Humanity is good. Some people are terrible and broken, but humanity is good. I believe that.”

“You are always a little bit wrong”

“Once upon a time, I wrote a book. People seemed to dig it, so I wrote another and one after that. That’s when Hollywood came knocking at my back door. As soon as I cashed that check, I wrapped my lips around the mighty erection that is the film industry and sucked hard, just like a good whore should. Unfortunately, I had to be taught not to orphan the balls.”

“I pop a cassette into the Buick's stereo. It's the Ramones. I turn the volume up high and roll down the windows. The highway air tastes of fumes, but it still feels goddamn good to breathe”

“Good morning, Hell-A. In the land of the lotus-eaters, time plays tricks on you. One day you’re dreaming, the next, your dream has become your reality. It was the best of times. If only someone had told me. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned. My family goes on without me, while I drown in a sea of pointless pussy. I don’t know how I got here. But here I am, rotting away in the warm California sun. There are things I need to figure out, for her sake, at least. The clock is ticking. The gap is widening. She won’t always love me “no matter what”

“Another interest I have pursued is the opposite sex - the females, the ladies - and not to brag but let's just say I've had a little more success than I've had with the food service industry. Good in the sack, or so I've been told. Seriously - I can get references - although maybe not my last girlfriend, who for reasons that that are still unclear stabbed me with a knife.”

“I believe humans have souls, and I believe in the conservation of souls.”