“I set off on a mighty search for my pants, which I eventually discover underneath the futon. Sorry, pants. You serve me well, by and large, but when you gotta go, you gotta go.”

“That’s the kinda stuff that you’ve gotta figure out on your own, I think. Soul searching’s one of those things you do alone.” Mitch and I sit in impressed silence at this wise reflection upon the nature of existence. “Like jerking off,” he finishes, “or taking a dump.”

“Howie?” Arthur says. “What?” “Why do you want me to freak out?” He asks it sort of gently, which makes it worse somehow.“Because you make me freak out all the time.” Maybe I’m not so totally chill, but whatever, whatever, I’m sick of it. “Like, honestly, I’m pretty sure I’ve started doing it professionally. Maybe you should start considering paying me extra. ‘Cause seriously, dude, when it comes to freaking out about you, I am the master. I am friggin’ incomparable, I got mad skills all over the place. And I don’t think this is exactly mutual freaking out, like, I don’t get the sense that I make you want to wither and die and explode. And that’s okay. That’s cool. I’m kind of going through a thing here that you probably went through a long time ago, unless you didn’t go through it at all because you’re just all together, like, you popped out of the womb, all, ‘Thanks for squeezing me out, Mom; no more pussy for me.”

“You’re not allowed to freeze your ears off. All of the other mothers will make fun of me for having the bizarre earless offspring, and I don’t know if I’m secure enough to endure that.” “In that case, I should probably let my ears freeze off for the greater good. It sounds like you are in need of some serious character growth, Mamacita.”

“I could probably be into goats, sexy style, and [my mom] still wouldn’t use it against me. She’d want me to achieve whatever goat-wooing dreams I set my mind to. Bring Mrs. Goat home for the holidays.”

“Well,” he says; a smile curves his mouth, promising wonderful acts of misbehavior, “in that case—”And, well. I like my body when it’s with his body.”

“My uncle Steve showed me this site, So ........ I gotta' go - See Ya!!”