“the main reason they don't use seeing eye cats is because you will end up with the cat, and the blind person, stuck up a tree”

“you can tell if the person is beautiful inside after the autopsy”

“I'm not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me”

“I once gave my friend his braille book to him upside down and I got a punch in the shoulder. He was aiming for my face but I guess him being blind makes his accuracy terrible.”

“Beauty is in the eyes of the beer holder”

“How to get in trouble #43: I was once caught staring at a woman's breasts, when she asked "why do you keep staring on my breasts?", I replied with "because your face is ugly”

“I would love to introduce you all to my girlfriend, she's.... Imaginary”